On the Lighter Side – 2012
During a trial in the heart of the South, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was an elderly woman he had known since childhood.
He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Whitaker, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Coolidge. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Whitaker, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Of course, I do. I’ve known Mr. Johnson since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy and he has a drinking problem.”
The defense attorney turned red with embarrassment.
The judge upon hearing the questions and answers, thus far asked both counselors to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice he said, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, I’ll throw you in jail for contempt!”
A rookie pitcher was struggling on the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him.
“I’ve figured out your problem,” he told the young southpaw. “You always lose control at the same point in every game.”
The pitcher asked, “When is that?”
The catcher shrugged and said, “Right after the National Anthem.”