On the Lighter Side – 2012

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A man entered a fast-food restaurant and noticed an elderly couple splitting one hamburger, a small amount of French fries and a cup of sweet tea.
The man noticed the husband carefully splitting up the meal with his wife, even counting the fries. Before going to the counter to order, he walked up to the couple and said, “Please let me get you another meal.”
“No, thank you,” the husband replied. “She and I share everything.”
The man went to the counter, bought his own meal and sat at a table in sight of the couple. He noticed only the husband was eating and the wife was waiting patiently. Again, he walked to the couple’s table, repeating, “Please let me buy you another meal!”
The wife calmly answered him, “Like he said, we share everything. And right now he’s using the teeth!”

Jake and John were driving down the road in Jake’s car when he suddenly drove through a red traffic light. John thought this was a bit odd.
When Jake drove through the second red light, John decided to pipe up and ask him why he kept driving through lights when they are red. Jake answered by saying it was something his father taught him.
Then all of a sudden Jake came up to a green traffic light and started slowing down. John asked him why he was slowing down for a green light.
Jake answered by saying, “My dad might be coming across the road!”
My two aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, “You’re next!”
After a while, I figured out how to stop them. I started doing the same thing to them at funerals!

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